Hi-ho, Segway
Sydney Morning Herald
Friday February 29, 2008
MICHAEL O'REILLY rides the motorised beast in true cowboy fashion at Sydney Olympic Park.
WALKING, according to the boffins, is simply the art of leaning forward until you're about to fall flat on your face and then getting your legs in the way. But what happens when you lean forward on a Segway? You know, those two-wheeled gyroscope things that were once touted as the answer to urban transport problems. What stops you from kissing the dirt?To find out, I head to Sydney Olympic Park on a sunny Saturday afternoon for a hour-long exploration of the area with Segway Tours. As is often the case with Homebush, I have to ditch the car in a parking lot kilometres from nowhere and hike to the central area. I am looking forward to some legless ambulation."You're the only one we've got today," says the guide, a cheerful bloke called Menno. A miserable week of rain has apparently scared the punters away, meaning that for once I have a chance to be the best in the class.A Segway is a bizarre creation: two large, biscuit-shaped wheels with a standing platform between them, then a long stem reaching to incongruous handlebars that don't seem to have anything to steer. To me, it resembles the chariot from Gladiator after Maximus kills the driver and runs off with the horses. Menno slaps a cycling helmet on my head and sets about teaching me how to tame the technical contraption. First, you have to turn it on. Try stepping on it when it's not ready for you and it shakes violently while making a sound like a broken gearbox. Climb aboard when it is ready and it just calmly balances underneath you. "OK, now just lean forward a bit," Menno says and, lo and behold, it begins to glide forward without any hint of face-to-tarmac acceleration. Leaning back makes you slow down. You can use a throttle on the left handgrip for turning and, when stationary, elegant pirouetting. Eat your heart out, Baryshnikov.With the basics mastered, Menno and I set off down the wide Olympic Boulevard pavement at a regal trundle, drawing fascinated stares and the occasional camera flash from day-trippers as we sail past the stadiums. I am busy figuring out how I'll incorporate a Segway into my daily commute when we hit a snag - a road. The RTA doesn't allow Segways to be ridden on its roads, even on pedestrian crossings, so we dismount and push them across like wheelbarrows.Menno decides to amp up my steed with a magnetic key that raises the Segway's maximum speed limit. "Time to see what this baby can do," I tell myself as we whoosh along unsealed paths at the north end of the complex. I lean forward in Road Runner fashion - mentally emitting a "beep-beep" - and, somewhere inside, the gyroscopes grab hold of the Segway and counter my bid for a two-wheeled burn-out. It's like having the soul of your mother hiding in the contraption, leaning backwards and spoiling the fun.I am still pondering the ghost in the machine when the road begins to curve into an ever-tightening helix wrapped around a hill called the Bay Marker. After several dizzy loops, we reach a large, flat expanse with excellent views of Homebush and, in the distance, the Harbour Bridge.I want to take pictures but am unsure how to dismount. Sadly, Segways don't balance on two wheels when you get off. Instead, they run for a few metres before falling forward and smashing their expensive controls on the ground. A cute trick is to bookend one Segway against the other; Menno's machine leans against mine in a passionate embrace while we enjoy the sweeping panorama.Going down the hill is an even more giddying experience, especially when Menno suddenly stops in front of me. I somehow avoid the skateboarder's instinct to jump off and instead lean back rapidly in true cowboy fashion. "Hi-ho, Segway," I whoop, halting just in time to see a fat blue-tongue lizard scuttling off the path.We glide back past the Brickpit and down Australia Avenue - right past my parking lot, but I'm having too much fun to stop and say, "Cheers, mate, that'll do for me." A loop past the lake of the Waterview centre and it is time for a last trundle up the tree-lined Olympic Boulevard.Sadly, my hour is up. I step off my trusty steed and am surprised to find all that intense lack of walking has somehow made my legs quite tired. Still, they manage to keep the asphalt away from my face as I trudge back to my boring, four-wheel car.You try it Segway Tours conducts two-hour tours for $99 and one-hour tours for $55. Booking is essential. Phone 1300 859 983 or see www.segwaytours.com.au. Bring a small backpack with food, drinks and camera (there is no storage space) and clothing and sun protection to suit the weather.
© 2008 Sydney Morning Herald